Much has happened since my last post. I survived year one by the skin of my teeth, scraping through my summer exams and I now begin year 2 with the same sense of optimism that I had this time last year. Once again I have promised myself that I will work harder and achieve more academically than I did this year, but I need to find a way of keeping up the intensity and good intention throughout, not just for a few months. I also feel I've grown more in this year than I have done in any previous years. This time 12 months ago I had some quite childish dreams and expectations about what life as a medical student and a doctor would be like. I still feel like becoming a doctor is my best chance of changing the world for the better, but I've realised that I must first focus on the unglammarous task of putting the work in. I'm not the only one feeling stressed, I've spoken to many of my peers who feel they haven't achieved the personal goals they set themselves and some friends have even decided that medicine isn't for them and have made the decision to call it a day and take another path. This degree isn't like my first, if I'm truly honest with myself, I only worked intensely for 6 weeks before my final exams in Biology and whilst I was always reading and had an interest in the subject, I didn't have to make many sacrifices because I knew I could enjoy a packed social life and still achieve what I needed. However, I have now seen how tight the margins are in medicine, whilst I did well in my practical exams, I was just a few percent over the threshold in the written papers and re-sitting a year simply isn't an option for me, as my family are already under intense pressure to find £9000 a year tuition fees, so adding an extra year would be crippling. I also don't have time on my side, like some of my younger peers and I would like to be in full time work before my 30th birthday.
Another experience that has made me grow this year was dealing with my first major bereavement. My grandma sadly got ill just as the summer exam period rolled around. She was an amazing woman who did a lot for my sister and I growing up. Seeing her dying was a reminder of the challenges facing the NHS. I couldn't help but feel that she was subject to some quite ageist treatment. She was placed on palliative care after having an unexplained seizure and she passed away before anyone really had the time to even determine what was wrong with her. She never even had a scan to prove her potential diagnosis of secondary cancer. It is like everyone gave up on her and no one gave her a hope. Finding the problem would have meant trying to treat it and it seemed as though there was neither time nor resources to do that. She wasn't even given sustenance in the final few days of her life. There is no way a woman 30 years her junior would have been able to die in this way, but I have seen first hand now how the necessity to prioritise care in our hospitals is potentially leading to poor outcomes for some patients, especially older patients. I have since began thinking about becoming a geriatrician, because I want to ensure that older people are given the care they deserve. All in all I think I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I definitely need to up my game, but I made it through, I overcame some tough personal problems and I'm ready to hit the ground running. One major challenge this year is going to be budgeting. I have saved some money from my summer jobs and really want to make it last until Christmas, because working as a science tutor through my first year definitely ate up too much time which should have been spent studying. I need to spend this year focusing on my own exams, not helping other students succeed in theirs. It's good to be back. This year I will be exposed to many new experiences. There is more of a focus on clinical placements, we get to learn exciting new skills like taking blood and we may even get to watch a post mortem exam. Second year, I'm ready for you.
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AuthorMy name is Stephan. I'm a 23 year old medical student. I like to travel, play the odd game of rugby and I'm very vocal on formula 1 fan forums (yes I am a bit of a sports nerd). Archives
April 2021
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