Before I begin this post, I think it's necessary to say that much of what I'm about to disclose may sound a little vague, but that's because a big part of being a good doctor is maintaining confidentiality and dignity in all that you do...
One of the biggest surprises I had after arriving here was just how little introduction there was to be. If swimming lessons followed the same format as medical school then they would have kids attempting to swim butterfly across the serpentine within a week. As a science graduate with quite a sound grounding in physiology and anatomy, I had envisioned breezing through my first year doing little more than occasional revision... How wrong was I? In the three weeks I have been here so far we have had a fairly complete overview of the whole upper body. I have spent more time in the library than I did in my first 2 years of Biology and I have filled two notebooks with text and diagrams. Somehow, though, none of the work has seemed tedious. I have already formed what I know will flourish into close friendships and we do much of the work together in small groups. Many people told me that Medical School was like a bubble, and it certainly is, but it is one that I don't really want to burst. It was lovely to go home this weekend, I am blessed to be so close to my family and girlfriend. As a 22 year old lad I'm not ashamed to admit that I miss them up here and I look forward to seeing them, but I didn't get that feeling of dread on Sunday night that I used to get when going back to London. As much as I enjoy my weekends, I'm also enjoying being a student and an academic in a way that I never did before. However, the biggest shock I faced in the opening week was definitely the initial anatomy class. This med school is one of three in the country that allows first years to dissect full cadavers. Our cadavers are people that have chosen to donate their bodies to us, they are preserved in formaldehyde and there is one cadaver to 12 students. We get to work on the same body every week for the year and then a funeral service is held and the body is cremated. Each 12 students also has one anatomy tutor who talks them through the dissection procedures each week and ensures we are as neat and precise as possible. This is all I will say about what we actually do in our anatomy classes, as I have to be very careful about what I publish. The information I have provided here is readily available online, so if any of my year leads happen to stumble across this blog, I hope they won't take exception to what I've said. What I now want to talk about is how these classes made me feel. Learning anatomy in this way is an incredible privilege and it surfaced many emotions that I didn't necessarily expect. I am someone that thinks of myself as being quite mentally strong and not at all squeamish. Working as a healthcare assistant on a dementia ward in a nursing home I often faced scenarios that required a strong stomach. Working in these kind of healthcare jobs also necessitates a level of emotional resilience, as dealing with people who are at the end of their lives requires a degree of empathy and is sometimes a sad business, without sugar coating it. However, working with the bodies of those who had already passed presented a unique challenge for me. Seeing your first dead body in itself is quite a strange experience. Also, I find that somehow when caring for living people, it is easy to block everything out. When you have another human being in front of you who needs your help to perform their basic tasks, you just seem to find a way to get the job done in the most dignified way possible, but when working with cadavers that element of emotional connection is gone. I spent the majority of my first couple of sessions trying not to be sick. I anticipated a smell which wasn't actually present. I was expecting a scent of decay, but in all reality, everything just smells clinical. The clinical smell of the formaldehyde actually presented it's own challenges, as it gave me a near instant headache. Also, despite the lack of human connection one gets when working with living people, I still struggled to detach myself emotionally. I instinctively wanted to know more about this person who had left us the gift of their body. the rigidity of their limbs made me irrationally wince with pain. However, now three weeks in I am getting used to the weekly anatomy sessions. I am now actively able to take part in the dissections without too much trouble. I don't think I'll ever get over my desire to know what kind of lives the people once lived, but that's just me. As I'm sure is the case with many anatomy groups, the conversation has turned once or twice to whether we ourselves could donate our own bodies. I like to think that I could donate mine, as I'm not a massively a spiritual person and I don't perceive my body to hold any particular sanctity that will last after I die. As well as this, I am truly grateful to be able to learn anatomy in this way and it would be comforting to know that you could continue to be of use to someone after death. You really can't appreciate the intricate nature of the human body until you see it in the flesh. I guess it's quite odd at our age to think about the end of our lives, but these sessions have certainly made me appreciate the finite nature of life, especially as a couple of the cadavers died at a younger age than my father is now. So, with that said, I just want to extend a personal thank you to the people that once were, who made a decision to leave us their bodies and I also want to leave a message to my future self (as I am doing this mainly as a diary) to appreciate life. Right now I'm still in a honeymoon period with medicine, but I know the wider medical climate is challenging and will be trying at times. I hope I can always remember that this is my dream and I hope to find pleasure in every day on this journey, because life is too short not to.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMy name is Stephan. I'm a 23 year old medical student. I like to travel, play the odd game of rugby and I'm very vocal on formula 1 fan forums (yes I am a bit of a sports nerd). Archives
April 2021
Categories |